You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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