dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he thought i was a dude.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
