How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
