His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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