He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
