I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
