She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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