someone threw a dead crab at me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it hurts more in the daytime
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
