Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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