1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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