It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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