I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
