Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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