Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
