I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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