my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
