FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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