i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
