That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
