well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
