wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
