I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
