ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
