her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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