I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
