remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
