Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
