The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my shit smells like andre
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
