He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
