its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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