dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
