i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.