Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
