Your face is a jimmy john
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there