I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
