Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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