she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
