Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
