no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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