She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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