can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
