I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
