hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
