There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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