Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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