Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
