God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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