Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
