If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize