Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
