Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..

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(516): View more from New York

and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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(631): View more from New York

So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

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(563): View more from Iowa

Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag

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(519): View more from Ontario

It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.

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(404): View more from Georgia

That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Can you come over?

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

Sex??

(615): View more from Tennessee

Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.

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