I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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