Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
