just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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