my phone needs a breathalizer
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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