I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
