I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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