im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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