I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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