i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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