Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
