Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
