I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
