i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
