Just fell off a train. Bad.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
