i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
