i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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