This girl is more easily done than said...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
