Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
