bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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