I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
