I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
