Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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