She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
