You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
