I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
