i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
