There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
